TL; DR: On April 19th, 2017 -- the 14th anniversary of this LJ -- I am deleting this journal.

So LJ has changed their TOS into an agreement binding only in the Russian original and which demands automatic agreement even if that is changed (and unreadable by those of us in the US).

I can't live with that.

I will not post my Dreamwidth user name in public. If you want to find me feel free to send me email at cubsherwood at gmail (with the ending implied), and we can connect. Alternatively feel free to PM me with this user name at Dreamwidth... I can't promise how frequently I'll be checking either of those addresses (hoping for every couple days... not sure I'll remember every day) so not great for urgent contact but -- given that I'm not sure how many friends I have left here -- I don't expect there to be much urgent that hasn't already gotten to me.

I am importing all the entries that didn't get imported when I first created accounts at Dreamwidth (www.dreamwidth.org; I'm in no mood to mess with HTML to get a link) so this journal will exist in its totality but I do not expect to be adding any more entries to it.

It's the end of an era... I first got on LJ in April, 2003, when I was a returning college student at The Little State University That Could... and I ran into user on campus and had great conversation and ran into her several times after that and a friendship grew and so did this journal. It started early in the realm of "social networking". I will never forget my choir director taking me to task for linking my personal journal to the choir's webpage (um, how else does one drive users to such things, not to mention share the activities that are important to one???); she didn't feel it was "appropriate"... and I am amused at the irony that she now practically demands folks announce various of the choir's activities on any and all social media to which they are connected.

My life's struggles and joys were documented here... though they dropped off soon after I "Moved" to DW... because my tone on DW was so different here that cross-posting never worked for me on an emotional level... and I didn't like the tone I'd established here. It no longer resonated. Still, there is so much of my history captured here that it's definitely worth bringing over... because so much of my email history has been lost over the years. I don't want to lose this, too.

And so this journal is going away on April 19th -- which will be the 14th anniversary of its founding. I am trying to figure out why that hurts as much as it does, especially as I'm saving the data... and especially as my posting here has been next to none at all of late... but who can ever fully understand human emotions? And, sometimes, it's not worth trying to figure them out.

Exit. Stage Right.

Today we take a pause from my self-involved whinging and proclamations and ponderings to help out friends of mine.

My friend Ambrose and his wife are people who made a difference in my life at a point when having in-person friends was a serious blessing. I first met them when they lived in the city, arranged for the movers when they wanted out of the city proper, did the first grocery shopping for them in their new place, played chauffeur for outings and job interviews and so on, and then arranged for the cheap car rental when they moved down to Florida because his wife took a job down there. We spent hours and hours together as Ambrose shared his kalimba playing, we all discussed the state of the Universe and country, read books and journaled and did art in silent companionship, his wife shared Pre-Columbian Mexican cookbooks with me (because lo, Mexican food that exists without nightshades!) and more. Really special people. Talented, generous, caring, and more. I'm not expressing well how much they helped me grow, showed me that I mattered, and gave me a destination at the end of a day.

They are also both trans and both librarians and they have little money which is rapidly running out. This is because Ambrose's wife is in End Stage Liver Failure. And so they've started a GoFundMe campaign. This is how Ambrose started his post:
This fund is for my spouse, the love of my life. We have been married since 1995. A decade into our marriage, my partner realized she was a woman, not the male gender she'd been assigned at birth. In fact we both decided to transition in the opposite trajectory. Because she was transitioning, her doctor put her on a high dose of Estradiol. All was fine until May 4th of this year and he goes on from there.

The link to the liver transplant fund they started on GoFundMe is here. My money situation is pretty awful but I'm donating something and, of course, more as I have it. Anything you all can give them will help tremendously but my reach in this here online journal is small. Equally important to any monetary donations is getting the word out for these people who matter to me. Please would you spread the word about this? It is, unfortunately, absolutely true, absolutely something they are wrestling with, absolutely something no one should ever have to face, and my heart is aching for both of them.

As Ambrose put it in a note he sent to me and a stack of his friends, "I hate asking for help, but I refuse to let her die", and I am right there with him on both counts.

Happy to answer any questions in PM.

I cannot thank you all enough for anything that you can do to help my friends.

OMG!!!!! WE WON!!!!!!!!

This would be me turning virtual cartwheels.

So my favorite jewelry maker in the world is having a massive sale.

It's in her journal over on LJ, and the discounts are flying fast and furious.

Elise's jewelry moves me, strengthens me, supports me, and makes me smile.

You should go check it out; you may find a shiny to call your very own (at deeply discounted prices, through the 22nd).

So I listen from time to time to a radio program called "Jewish Moments in the Morning", otherwise known as JM in the AM. They've introduced me to a Jewish a cappella group called The Maccabeats. Said group are very fond of, among other things, taking currently popular songs and -- essentially -- filking with them.

The one I heard the other day was a Chanukah song. "Cause it's all about the neis". Neis means "miracle" and rhymes with "bass" (the lowest voice part, not the fish) in this context. The chorus was "Cause it's all about the neis, 'bout the neis, no oil...."

Oy! Bad enough that one can get easily ear-wormed with original ("It's All About the Bass" by Malena Llewelyn)... now I have to be running around singing Chanukah songs until I can't sleep, too?!?

(though I have to say I'm grateful for the dreidl... all of a sudden "gadol" makes a lot more sense in various contexts and I doubt I'd know the word for miracle without it!)

They aren't the only ones out there doing this sort of filking, of course... I heard a Madonna song used for a prayer once (wish I could remember which of each; I googled it frantically when I got home that day but could't find it), and Avicii's "Wake Me Up" has been used also. What's so interesting, of course, is I wonder if it would occur to non-secular Jews that these songs are not at all original... *ponder*

We interrupt my random musings to make a small request of my viewing audience:

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So the small request is this: Please to keep a good thought for me? Prayers welcome, if that's something you do, or hold me in the light or direct positive energy and strength to me or whatever your personal practice is? And yes, please feel free to mention to others, too. Right now I'm having a very hard time managing these stresses on my own. I will be SO appreciative! Many thanks in advance...

(And now off to bed an hour later than planned... have to start my day in the office at 7 tomorrow due to all this insanity... happy new year to me!)

I've been going somewhat insane cataloging the "recent" acquisitions for Mama's Library (warning: the titles of materials in that link are of an adult nature; you may wish to avoid clicking on the link at your place of employment; just saying) and I found this paragraph printed in one of the magazines:

"If you find mistakes in this publication, please consider that they are there for a purpose. We publish something for everyone, and some people are always looking for mistakes!"

I think I've mostly successfully avoided the meme thing here on Dreamwidth. However, when I read a friend's answers to these ElseJournal, I found myself actually thinking about the answers. Which didn't come nearly as easily as I expected them to.

So... without further delay... a 100 questions meme or Everything you never wanted to know about me and didn't plan to ask:
( with a cut, of course!Collapse )
Well, there's all the info you never wanted to know!

On New Year's Day I was at the Girlfriend's (formerly known as JDots; I've finally accepted the fact that yes, girlfriend is the term) hanging out with two friends who had come over the night before and the Girlfriend and GF's Mom. My phone rang; the number that came up was my former boss/mentor's number. I knew she was in no condition to be calling, and that it had to be her husband, and it wasn't going to be good news.

I was, of course, correct. She died on the 31st at 3 PM. What was so startling about this was that I'd had a sense of that and was pondering calling but realized it wasn't a good idea, and that he'd call when he could. He actually apologized for not calling right away afterwards but he couldn't find my number. He also told me I was the second person he'd talked to who knew when it happened. No one can say that she didn't have strong energy!

We talked briefly. He mentioned various things that were happening, and so on. I asked about memorial services and he said yes, he wanted to get started on that in a few weeks... and that he'd want my help with it. Of course I said I'd be honored.

She was a remarkable woman, and we had a remarkable partnership. I don't know many people who say to their former assistants, "If I win the lottery, my first phone call would be to set up the trust so it keeps making money. My second phone call would be to you, to hire you to make my life work. And you know what your first assignment would be? To find me a place in the city... you know my tastes, you know where I like. Find it, furnish it, get it all set up."

The only reason I stopped working for her was because the company we both worked for started wanting its data entry clerks to have college degrees. We'd been having layoffs and, though I was mostly safe as her assistant (it wouldn't have mattered that she was the COO and that it would look very strange for her not to have an assistant if someone decided my salary plus benefits would save the company enough money), I quickly realized I wouldn't find a job anywhere else without the silly piece of paper, no matter how much I "walked like a grad, talked like a grad, and acted like a grad" (as one temp agency put it, before finishing, "but you're not a grad"). It was May,2002 when I figured this out, did a bit of research on various schools at which I could do paralegal studies (what I thought I wanted to do), and went to her with a question. "I have a question I need you to answer more as my mentor than my boss," I said. She replied, "Okay..." and I continued, "And I need you to answer without any consideration for how it might impact your life personally or professionally". "Okay..." So I screwed up my courage and said, "What do you think about my quitting to go back to college full-time so I can finish and get my degree?" She, without hesitation, said, "I think it's the best thing you can do for yourself." So I said, "Okay... then I'm applying... and giving you six months notice." She asked when I wanted my last day and I told her in November because I wanted to hit five years at the company. I started at The Little State University That Could in January, 2003, met synecdochic a few months after that and the rest, as they say, is history.

Well, in a nutshell, anyway.

Rest in peace, Chief, and may your memory be a blessing.

I'm at my father and stepmother's in Santa Fe. Dad is a poetry junkie so, instead of magazines in the bathrooms, he has books of poetry. One of my favorites is a volume of Rabindranath Tagore... very short poems with lots of meaning.

This one, in particular, moved me:

Let me not grope in vain in the dark
but keep my mind still in the faith
that the day will break
and truth will appear
in its simplicity.

As it's been forever since I've done this (so long that I don't recognize this post page, nor do I approve of this font that I'm typing in or anything else; if it ain't broke, why does LJ insist on trying to fix it?!?):

Yoinked from songquake...

Rules -- Questions must be answered with only "yes" or "no." One is not allowed to explain any of these answers in the actual meme, but readers are allowed to ask questions that can be answered in the comments.

Have you ever. . . or Do you. . .
Kissed any one of your LiveJournal friends? — yes
Been arrested? — no
Kissed someone you didn't like? — yes
Slept in until 5 PM? — yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — yes
Held a snake? — yes
Ran a red light? — yes
Been suspended from school? — no
Experienced love at first sight? — no
Totalled your car in an accident? — yes
Been fired from a job? — yes
Fired somebody? — no
Sung karaoke? — no
Pointed a gun at someone? — no
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your eyes? — no
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — yes
Kissed in the rain? — no
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — yes
Saw someone die? — no
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — yes
Smoked a cigar? — no
Sat on a rooftop? — yes
Smuggled something into another country? — no
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? — no
Broken a bone? — yes
Skipped school? — yes
Eaten a bug? — no
Sleepwalked? — no
Walked on a moonlit beach? — no
Ridden a motorcycle? — yes
Dumped someone? — yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — no
Lied to avoid a ticket? — no
Ridden in a helicopter? — yes
Shaved your head? — no
Blacked out from drinking? — no
Played a prank on someone? — yes
Hit a home run? — no
Felt like killing someone? — yes
Cross-dressed? — yes
Been falling-down drunk? — no
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — no
Eaten snake? — no
Marched/Protested? — yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — no
Puked on an amusement ride? — no
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — no
Been in a band? — no
Knitted? — no
Been on TV? — yes
Shot a gun? — no
Skinny-dipped? — yes
Given someone stitches? — no
Eaten a whole habanero pepper? — no
Ridden a surfboard? — no
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — no
Had surgery? — yes
Streaked? — no
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — yes
Tripped on mushrooms? — no
Passed out when NOT drinking? — yes
Peed on a bush? — no
Donated blood? — yes
Grabbed electric fence? — no
Eaten alligator meat? — no
Eaten cheesecake? — yes
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? — no
Killed an animal when NOT hunting? — yes
Peed your pants in public? — no
Snuck into a movie without paying? — yes
Written graffiti? — no
Still love someone you shouldn't? — yes
Think about the future? — yes
Been in handcuffs? — yes
Believe in love? — yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — yes

And now we come to the most intense three days of Holy Week, intentionally designed by early Christians to drive choir members and O/CMs insane. It's interesting to note how various Organist/Choir Masters approach Holy Week and, in particular, the Triduum. Most seem to have things fairly locked down well in advance of now in order to minimize the insanity. Others, however, seem to fly mostly by the seat of their pants so they can stay relaxed (!) through it all.

I seem to have stumbled into the domain of the latter by standing in with St. P's choir. Last night's service was a casual one starting in the Parish Hall of the church and everyone dressed casually. Choir not vested, etc. (it would have looked really odd, I now realize, if we were). And -- completely the opposite from what I was used to at St. J's, there were only like a dozen or so congregants. Once we moved into the church the congregation plus the choir and altar party all fit up in the chancel and it's not a large one seating-wise. And stripping the altar was the noisiest I've ever experienced, and the priest didn't scrub the altar when it was done, which was weird. We also left the hymnals in place up there. Also odd. I know every church has its own tradition but this is also a church that has a thurifer on Sundays which is to say higher than some. And yet.

And so this brings us to today, where I'm singing He Was Despised on essentially 24 hours notice. I'd raised it with T, the O/CM a couple weeks ago when I started singing there, and so started working it but he completely forgot the discussion and I ended up with a text yesterday that said "Want to sing the noon service on Good Friday?" I deleted that "Ummm.... didn't we already discuss a couple times already that I was?" response I wanted to send and sent back a calmer "Sure. What do you want me to sing?"

It was interesting experiencing my first worship service last night there, to be sure... T is clearly a member of the Leadership team... this was pretty much his service to run... he taught the choir a brief call to worship by singing it and our singing it back to him. I was very envious of the choir member who had the skills to scribe it as he was singing so she had it in front of her when it was time to sing. We did sing it over and over and over and over in order to be solid enough to lead the congregation when he taught it to them but still... haven't had to learn music like that since I was REALLY young. Even singing back complex warmups is hard for me.

I've also determined that my full set of vestments isn't here. Which means, I hope to God, that they are at the church I sang Thanksgiving at. Thought I brought them out of there but perhaps not. I'll likely go looking for them Easter Sunday. I also have determined that the cassock I left at the tailor a year ago is still there so that's good... will get it between the services today, and I'll have at least a cassock to wear tonight; I'll do all black at noon. Here's hoping St. P's has a surplice for me... mine -- if I find it -- is cathedral-style... long and full... the choir at St. P's wears, essentially, cottas... very short. I'll stick out like a sore thumb in mine.

I'd better get out of here... want to get up to St. P's around 10 in order to stretch and warm up and sing in the church... want to walk the whole thing and get comfortable in the space, as is my tradition.

Thankfully, no singing responsibilities tomorrow (we'll be all sung out tonight!) so I may have a day to spend with Mama or at work or some such and then on into Easter. Monday we return to life as regularly scheduled. Thank goodness. I'd forgotten what all this was like, and I'd really like to feel more grounded about it all. Clearly that's not going to happen here, and I just need to go with the flow. Hard to do in a worship situation for me. I want it all neat and tidy and locked away. Have to remember it's a learning process, and that's okay.

Onwards.

So I posted something in my dreamwidth journal. Just FYI.

(posting the link to the journal and not to the entry because there's a cut-tag in there and it seems to be unobserved if one clicks on the entry itself)

So I'm trying very hard to do all of my posting on Dreamwidth. I don't like at all these new formats that LJ keeps rolling out, I don't like how long stuff takes to load because there are links to Facebook buried in various places (yet another reason I'm not on FB; it's a long list of reasons), and other places and so on. And I realize I've got a very different tone on DW than here.

I haven't yet decided if I'm fully importing this journal over or not but, until I do, everything I post for public consumption will be there and may or may not be mirrored here.

Like this post, for example.

Care to join me?

Tonight I went off to Trader Joe's and Whole Paycheck to get various items for my pantry. The incumbent "storm" (which, I'm given to understand, is supposed to be mostly rain at least tonight) had nothing to do with it. I made quite a TJ's shopping list the other day and couldn't drag my body out of the house to go have at it.

Thus, off I went tonight after work and got pretty much everything on my list and then some. Some was my forgetting what I had (no, I did not need two more boxes of granola; already had one in the pantry), some was my deciding if one is good, two must be beter, some was "Oh.... right... I've got that California Extra Virgin Olive Oil I've been wanting to make a vinaigrette with; need lettuce and such". And one was "I NEED an insulated shopping bag so this frozen fruit doesn't defrost on the way home!" (I love TJ's frozen fruit but it's never frozen enough). It was one of my more expensive TJ's run in recent histories but my pantry is now rather remarkably well-stocked.

And then off to Whole Paycheck. Where I didn't even grab a basket because lo, I'm only getting a container or two of milk. Except I made the mistake of going in through the produce section and slowing down to look at stuff. So the hummus I didn't get at TJ's got bought there (for the same price and more of what I want in my hummus). As did some gorgeous organic Texas grapefruit. I may have to candy the peel, actually, once I figure out how to do that with the organic lemons I got last week; the Historian has clearly rubbed off on me (if I can focus on the good stuff and not the implosion, that might be to the good).

And then it happened. I wandered past the oils and vinegars and the like, across as they were from the fish section, just past produce. There were lots of interesting things to look at... and then a bottle caught my eye. Cassis vinegar. On clearance, such as it ever is at Whole Paycheck (last chance! We're looking for new interesting things to put on our shelves...). Memories of the fig vinegar the Historian fed me an entire spoon of before telling me what it was (and guessing it was actually a fig balsamic, given how remarkably dark it was) came flooding back and I went "ooooo". So I brought the bottle home, with its impossibly long neck, trying to figure out how to best put it in the basket the nice produce stocking guy fetched me when it became obvious this was no longer just a trip for a container or two of milk.

It comes, by the way, from a company in San Rafael, CA, of all places.... O Olive Oil. They make citrus olive oils, wine vinegars, balsamic vinegars, and citrus tapenades.

I am hearing my wallet cringe in terror even as I type this... because I made the mistake of going to said website and exploring a bit. They make a GRAPEFRUIT olive oil! Which I can only imagine paired with this gloriously tall and narrow bottle of cassis wine vinegar, and a touch of salt and pepper and garlic and tossed into a salad.

They make citrus tapenades that had me swooning at the thought (though unfortunately I swooned over one that appears to be sold out. Rats) of a couple of them.

I suspect it's a good thing I have both limited pantry space and limited budget... because I can see several of their products becoming a new line item in my budget all too easily.... well, except of course for the fact that they are outrageously expensive (says I, who worries about spending $7 on a liter of olive oil, noting that their bottles -- a quarter liter in size -- are more than twice that. It gives artisanal a new name. Or something). Perhaps some day, if I ever have a real job again -- with a real salary -- I'll indulge once in a blue moon. Until then, I'll ooo and ahhh over their website and the opportunities therein.

Well, it's not often that a horoscope can make me cry but Rob Brezny has done it. It's not that I fully believe in astrology, per se, but he writes stuff in a way that is essentially just "here's something for you to think about this week and perhaps going forward, too" and lo, it is often of the helpful.

This week, as has actually been the case lately, he's dead on target with some stuff that has been driving me up a tree.  As usual, he's getting me to re-think how I look at myself, and that is to the good:


"I worked as a hair stylist in Chicago's Gold Coast for 20 years with some of the most gorgeous woman and men in the world," writes sculptor Rich Thomson. "Once I asked a photographer who shot for the big magazines how he picked out the very best models from among all these great-looking people. His response: 'Flaws. Our flaws are what make us interesting, special, and exotic. They define us.'" My challenge to you, Libra, is to meditate on how your supposed imperfections and oddities are essential to your unique beauty. It's a perfect moment to celebrate -- and make good use of -- your idiosyncrasies.






There's a lot of work ahead.

A colleague of Former Voice Teacher changed positions a couple years ago. His "new" church is about a half hour drive from here, and I've always liked him a lot when we've interacted in the past (he's adjudicated choral festivals that FVT is the coordinator for, and I've been her assistant for several of those). He also has the advantage (for me) of being both a choral conductor and an organist. I've finally come to the realization that a focus on the choral art even (so to speak) in church music is critical to my enjoyment of participating in same. There are way too many organists out there who have no clue how to support singers, much less a congregation, and whose arm gestures look better suited to landing aircraft than directing a choir... and I don't want to sing with them.

So yesterday I hie'd myself up there (leaving much later than I'd wanted thus walking in after the opening hymn, which was too bad as it was a favorite of mine) and found myself enjoying it rather a lot. The preaching was great, the music was a good balance between "anglican choral tradition" and strong modern stuff (there was a serious implosion on the chanting of the psalm, however... still haven't figured out if that harmony was written in for the choir and not consistently done or if it was "Okay, where is that pitch again? Well, I suppose I could sing this in thirds..." and I didn't want to ask, of course... but if a choir implodes that badly a cappella, get your hands back on the keyboard and help!!!), and I know he has paid church singers.

The choir, overall, was pretty good. It turns out he has mostly paid people; the volunteer choir departed with his predecessor (not that I've ever been in that equation before). I'm concerned he's "settling" a bit in terms of what he's asking from them but -- of course -- I don't know the egos involved. Thought they were good "for a parish choir" so to speak... but to be mostly pros? There are some issues there.

Still, it felt both good and right to be there, and we had a lovely brief talk afterwards, during which he very warmly said he'd love to have me join them... so I sent him a note today thanking him for his time and welcome and mentioning that I'm occupied for the next few Sundays but would it be possible to stand in on his rehearsals for a few weeks and see what he and the choir are about.... and he's said certainly yes and he hopes to see me again -- soon!

So there might be singing in my future. In the proper Anglican tradition, of course (tongue mostly in cheek), rehearsals are on Thursday nights, and that conflicts with the Thursday session of the water aerobics class I've fallen in love with. That said, there are many ways to exercise, and I've been just as lacking on the spiritual side of that equation as on the physical. Thus, this might be worth exploring for a while.

I took today off from work. Wanted to do more around the house and then get ready for tomorrow and packing insanity.

Because I have to be an hour and a half from home at 8 AM tomorrow, and then drive several more hours, do a bunch of packing, and drive back to my 8 AM destination before heading for home, I thought it might be nice to take a mini vacation and get a hotel room near my morning destination. That way I can take long luxurious hot showers, use up towels, do some jogging in the hotel pool, chill out in the hot tub, read in the newly renovated lobbby, get internet time, and so on and all without having to worry about leaving the house at 6 AM.

Except that the car Mama rented from CarRentalCompany has bald tires. As in so bald the bald tire indicator is showing on the tires. As in they never should have sent the car out in the first place. But they did. And now LocationManager is proving his incompetence by being unable to find another of the same car anywhere in his region. His manager suggested offering us an Armada instead. I guess he figured it's an upgrade, one can still carry stuff, etc.

Uh no.

So I called several of my favorite managers around here, including the one near my morning destination. I thought maybe I could salvage this mini vacation after all... nope. She gave up two minivans to a location this morning.

And that led me to call our location at EWR. Which will be renting me a needed minivan at employee pricing so that I can drive it to her rental location so they have a minivan with which to do the exchange. Because for some reason they can't figure out how to get a car driven out to them from PHL. I take it Distribution runs a bit differently out there. Or something.

To Mama's credit, she did ask if it would be cheaper and easier to drive to her house, add me on to her present rental for the day so I could drive it to PHL and do the even exchange there... but given that I don't know any of the managers at PHL and I don't know their inventory, there's no guarantee after all that that they will have the equipment we need. Further, of course, and perhaps more importantly, that gives her another Philadelphia Area-maintained vehicle... and apparently they have Issues with maintenance. Which I thought was just a handful of problem cars we've been getting. Nope. One of my favorite managers said that she's had months where a decent part of her revenue has come from doing transfer/exchanges on equipment out of PHL. Thus, I don't really much like the idea of renting her a car from PHL.

So now I'm off to EWR to pick up said car and drive to Mama's rental location with it. Then spend three+ hours on trains to get back to EWR and then drive home and get up ugly early in the morning to drive and so on.

Fun fun fun.

But at least it shows my problem-solving ability -- at least where renting cars is concerned -- is capable of looking at various options and figuring them out. Given that my brain isn't entirely good with problem-solving (witness the mess of a couple weekends ago), it's nice to know it can do such things at times.

Onwards.

I seem to be in the midst of a time which reminds me of last March and April... a challenging time to get into work but a good time to work on the house decluttering still more. I'm feeling like I'm drowning in more stuff. I doubt that's actually true but I'm all for thinning the ranks and making major donations to both Goodwill and my garbage bins.

(In March, I managed to get to work one day a week; in April it was a touch better but not by much... interestingly, a friend had commented that she knew she "lost days" in March and April (she was coming out of a bad relationship, in the midst of moving, and so on) and I was feeling much the same way, though for me I think my brain finally emerged from the shock of a major car accident and said HEY! You need to be taking care of yourself! You had a major car accident in January, you know...)

So I'm going through the house pondering what can be tossed or donated or used elsewhere around here or restacked or whatever. Bought some fabulous glass storage containers yesterday (already want more, and wish I didn't de-sticker the 16 ounce ones... they don't nest and so take up rather a lot of room... but I thought it would be a size that is helpful, and it still might be) so they're taking up a shelf in one of my cabinets. My kitchen is both cabinet- and counter-challenged so anytime I do something major like that, I need to rethink where other stuff lives. The dishes are now rather more stacked on top of each other than I would like. Ah well. These things happen and are dealt with. Still, it's caused me to look at things like my champagne flutes and wondering how many of them I really need, actually... though as AndTenor said, "It depends on how many people you are planning to serve champagne to at once how many flutes you need..." True enough.

And I've just determined that my VCR is sending odd signals to the TV, which is why nothing stays in place picture-wise... can one even buy a VCR these days? Because I have no desire to convert to a DVD player... I own too many videocassettes for doing such a thing.

I suppose I should get back to the task(s) at hand... which will involve relocating an entire shelf of said videocassettes, thus reclaiming a bookshelf, which is good... means I can move my "to be read" shelf into the living room and the Time/Life Foods of the World series that Mama gave me (they had been her mother's and she was looking for a good home for them; I've wanted my own set ever since my mother had one) can go live with the cookbooks, where they nominally belong.

Self care. Challenging. But oh so necessary.

(ETA: So the Time/Life books won't fit where I wanted to move them, as they're too tall... so they're now living in my living room on a shelf that is otherwise empty. I may have to find some way to remedy that... certainly the kaleidoscope that Mama gave me would be a good add to said shelf. Wonder what else wants to live there?)

I just wandered over to the website of my alma mater, The Little State University That Could, because I was curious what my GPA was in order to get the graduation honors I got.  I'm looking at grad schools (why yes, I am a masochist, or at least partially insane) and Another State University offers the degree I want at a price point I might some day be able to afford.  AnSU waives the GRE requirement for various GPAs so this is an important thing to note.  For my likely chosen program, they waive it at a 3.2 (which is appallingly low imho, and goes to show that they don't think cops and so on are smart).  For the program I was contemplating because lo the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, they waive it at a 3.7.  Note the huge gap between the two programs.  Note that I now question if I'm smart enough to get the graduate degree my father, my (late) mother, and stepmother all have!

But here's the interesting part. LSUTC is changing their standards for academic honors. Here's what's in their current faculty handbook:

Graduation Honors

ACADEMIC HONORS ARE AWARDED AS FOLLOWS:

Undergraduate students who have completed a minimum of 51 undergraduate credits at Montclair State are recognized for academic honors. Grades of “A” through “D-” must be received for a minimum of 48 of these 51 credits.

For recognition of May candidates at the Commencement Exercises, the honors designation will be based upon the student's cumulative grade point average as of the previous January plus the anticipated MSU credits that will be earned by the end of the Spring semester. Academic honors are awarded as follows:

Cumulative GPA of 3.450 - 3.649 cum laude
Cumulative GPA of 3.650 - 3.849 magna cum laude
Cumulative GPA of 3.850 - 4.000 summa cum laude

The following standards will be applied to graduates, starting in August 2015:

Cumulative GPA of 3.700 - 3.799 cum laude
Cumulative GPA of 3.800 - 3.899 magna cum laude
Cumulative GPA of 3.900 - 4.000 summa cum laude

Fascinating. Utterly fascinating. 

Is this in answer to grade inflation or something else?
 

Three up, three down in the span of a year. I am, as they say, batting a thousand. And not in the good way.

Life, via a text message followed by a phone call, just got insanely more complicated. I'll know more tonight but it's likely my weekend just was stood on its head and I need to round up troops to help.

Troops, mind you, that can be trusted since I just learned one set of troops can't be. Thank goodness for a phone call I wasn't entirely sure I should have made and learned that stuff I said in total confidence (and was assured wasn't going anywhere - last time I believe that one) had gone somewhere and, to boot, went with completely wrong information. I am beginning to think that opening my mouth about absolutely anything is just a bad idea, even if that "anything" is a weather report much less my own personal business. Actually, I think my conversant is out too. Which is too bad. She's the best located for the job. I now have to figure out if I shoot the messenger.

I now know how it feels to be on the receiving end of a core dump, trying to process it and connecting all the little dots. Wow. The world, as they say, is miniscule.

I am beginning to feel like I need a cave to hide in or a rock to pull in over my head or something. This may yet happen.

What's scary is that some of these actually make sense!!

So my uncle has been in declining health for the past year, though the last six months have been the worst. He's a kidney transplant recipient, that started to go to hell in a right righteous handbasket and then a whole bunch of other stuff started happening. He'd been in the hospital for a week right before Rosh Hashanah, he came home for a day, and went right back in, and he hasn't been home since. They are disconnecting the ventilator tomorrow and, as the machine has truly been breathing for him (with a 60% oxygen flow; his lungs aren't processing properly at all and his doctors just found a pneumonia, the treatment of which would likely kill him anyway), he's not expected to survive long after.

At this point, his wife and kids seem to be set on the Jewish thing of burial in a couple days... so I may be looking at a funeral on Sunday or Monday, depending. My father is trying to point out that we have family across the country who will want to be there, we waited the funerals of my grandparents for them, and why not now also? Waiting to see what happens on that front.

And then they're also talking memorial service at some point in the future, which is going to be ENORMOUS, I suspect... my uncle is a small giant in his industry and many many people will want to pay their respects. Too, he's got very close business associates in Italy (so close they are nearly family) and France and I don't know where else. This would give them a chance to mourn collectively as well.

I am grateful that I insisted on going out to have dinner with him when my aunt was in Israel for my cousin's bar mitzvah; he was too ill to travel, and they were going to stream the bar mitzvah so we could see it in NY. Various complications ensued and it didn't happen but he was seriously compos mentis then and we had a very good time together. Too, I was there to love and support him during the complications (which were family-caused), which meant a lot to him and to my aunt and so on. Because seeing him on Rosh Hashanah I wasn't seeing the man I remembered. I actually was seeing a lot of my grandmother, his mother, in him... a lot of the same expressions, much of the same bewilderment, and his brain just wasn't processing correctly at all by that point.

So it's a mercy, but a struggle nonetheless... and I need to figure out how to just roll with it all, the attendant schedule changes to my weekend and so on and so forth... I have never been good at that stuff before; now I need to learn to be like a willow, and fast.

So I'm still down in PA and, given that Mama's Library goes up in Philly on Thursday (it actually gets loaded on Wednesday (or possibly Tuesday depending on the weather forecast) but I think I'm staying the heck out of the way on that one if I get a choice in the matter), I'm not going home. I'd really hoped to leave here Friday after dropping Mama off at the airport (and I wish I had done so, regardless of what everyone is telling me about JC and what I'm reading about it and so on), spending Saturday morning with MD and then off to GKE for Saturday afternoon and evening with a dear friend in from out of town, and lots of other people. Sunday was supposed to be work, as was today, and then I was going to head back here in time to pick Mama up from the airport.

But my big sister said don't come; there are still tons of power lines down, traffic is a nightmare, gas is unfindable, and so on. And JC still has a pedestrian and car ban from 7PM to 7AM, they are handing out food at several locations throughout the city, there are water and ice trucks as well, and charging stations. Yes, my building has electricity and heat again (they came on Friday), but it also took on about 3 feet of water (down from Irene's 6 feet because someone covered the drains so the backflow couldn't come in as easily), lost gutters and fencing and so on.

Work is, apparently, operational, and they have power back. They are in an industrial area near a major port so they were drowned for a while.

And so I'm getting read the riot act by my father because I'm not at home being responsible. It's not exactly like I'm taking a vacation down here and eating bonbons... stacks of cataloging to do, and this major event upcoming (which, as far as my father is concerned, I should be skipping so I can be at work; he's got a point but see the afore-mentioned can't drive etc.), so I'm stuck for the duration.

Add to that the fact that my uncle (my father's only brother) is dying from kidney stuff and a bunch of other health matters (including poor healthcare, which is just ironic as all heck; his doctors are incompetent) and life is just being challenging in ways beyond belief. There would be different challenges if I were home in JC. At least here I've got food to eat, a dog to play with, and people who love me. I think I'd be a despondent mess at home... hoping that by next Monday night, when I get there, things will have improved some (have to go to work on Tuesday).

Well, on to more cataloging. Miles to go before I sleep and all.

My father just sent this and I think it's worth sharing; as a temporarily-displaced person, I'll take humour (and TRUTH!) anywhere I can get it:

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've
decided we're leaving.

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the
other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of
the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially
to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America
(E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal
and
Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get* Intel* and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard (*Princeton, Penn, Haverford, Colgate, U of R)*,. You
get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce,
92% of the nation's fresh fruit, *95% of America's quality wines*
(you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the
US low sulfur coal,
all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven
Sister schools plus Harvard,Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed
by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the
death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory,
53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards
believe you are people with higher morals than we
lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they
grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Citizen of the Enlightened States of America

Hello, work?

What part of "our offices are located in an area called PORT xxx" have you forgotten? What part of we can WALK down the street and be right where they unload VERY large ships because see located in major port in the tri-state region have you forgotten?

What part of "If there is anything like the storm surge they're talking about, you'd better hope you've removed ALL automobiles from there beforehand" are you totally ignoring [read: all of it; guaranteed]? Because they are going to be one of the greatest losses CarRentalCompany has ever seen; they are all going to be flood-damaged.

Congrats on your forethinking abilities!

So I've started browsing teh interwebs in search of information on whether or not heading home to Jersey City today (from north of Philadelphia) is a good idea.

And, of course, I'm having fun reading comments and all on various articles. Here are a couple of my favorites:

New york will be just fine. The wall of water may be 11 feet high, but Bloomberg will only let 16 ounces through at a time. No worries.

Bloomberg thinks this storm could possibly be more dangerous than a 16 ounce soda ...serious

Don’t worry, if it’s a legitimate hurricane, you won’t be damaged. Just sit back & relax, because this is something God intended to happen.

And of course the best of all from the Mt. Holly National Weather Service bulletin (courtesy of Synecdochic):
SOME IMPORTANT NOTES...

1. IF YOU ARE BEING ASKED TO EVACUATE A COASTAL LOCATION BY STATE
AND LOCAL OFFICIALS, PLEASE DO SO.

2. IF YOU ARE RELUCTANT TO EVACUATE, AND YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO RODE
OUT THE `62 STORM ON THE BARRIER ISLANDS, ASK THEM IF THEY COULD DO
IT AGAIN.

3. IF YOU ARE RELUCTANT, THINK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES, THINK ABOUT
THE EMERGENCY RESPONDERS WHO WILL BE UNABLE TO REACH YOU WHEN YOU
MAKE THE PANICKED PHONE CALL TO BE RESCUED, THINK ABOUT THE
RESCUE/RECOVERY TEAMS WHO WILL RESCUE YOU IF YOU ARE INJURED OR
RECOVER YOUR REMAINS IF YOU DO NOT SURVIVE.

4. SANDY IS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS STORM. THERE WILL BE MAJOR
PROPERTY DAMAGE, INJURIES ARE PROBABLY UNAVOIDABLE, BUT THE GOAL IS
ZERO FATALITIES.

5. IF YOU THINK THE STORM IS OVER-HYPED AND EXAGGERATED, PLEASE ERR
ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION.

WE WISH EVERYONE IN HARMS WAY ALL THE BEST. STAY SAFE!

Needless to say, I'm not really finding the information I need. I looked up the projected storm surge pictures and got them to zoom in to my neighborhood... and it's as if there are physical barriers preventing water from getting where I live. This could be to the good, except that trying to get there might be challenging. And, of course, there's the fact that it's not showing that my building is built on a flood plain, which is to say the underground parking area will flood. It's questionable whether the back parking area where I park will flood (depends really on if the drain in that area stays clear and can handle the rain). Presumably the parking spaces on higher ground where I parked during Hurricane Irene are all taken already.

Interestingly, work sent out a message early this morning saying they would still be working people through the day, albeit with limited work but that got countermanded a short time ago... they've cancelled the rest of the shift times for today and 7 AM tomorrow; they'll tentatively have work at noon tomorrow. Absolutely brilliant of them given that they are located in an industrial area that floods notoriously badly. Just checked the projected storm surge and all access roads to work are shaded in the blue that indicates 9-12 feet of storm surge.

Oh joy... I'm hearing a news report that says a portion of previously damaged boardwalk in Atlantic City has broken off, some out to sea and some picked up and dropped onto the street.

Given that Mama doesn't seem to be awake yet (she was wide awake after 1 AM, so I'm not surprised), I think I may be here for the duration; guess I'll wait and see.

"A safeword is something one uses when one doesn't trust the Top or oneself enough to journey to Parts Unknown."

Discuss.

So I awakened this morning to a much-improved turtle. Rather than finding her basking (as I have been for the last several days), she was actually swimming. When she noticed me, she came over and did the "Good morning. Feed me, Human!" happy dance, albeit not quite as energetically as she has before.

She ate some (again, not as much as usual and -- interestingly -- the krill doesn't entice her the way the vet thought it would), basked a bit and then went swimming some more.

She then was basking again and there's where I got her so I could attempt to give her the next antibiotics injection. Long story short: it failed miserably and I called the vet. They were more than willing to have me bring her up and they could do it (and at no charge! why didn't the doctor suggest that in the first place when he learned I didn't have someone to help?!). So off we went (and will be going every three days for the next couple weeks).

As a good friend reminded me, if I'm on antibiotics and not feeling well, I'm going to want to stay in bed and not eat much. Turtles are likely the same way... and it appears to be the case.

On with the rest of the day.

I have a very sick turtle.

She won't eat. Anything. Not even shrimp.

I'm calling the vet later to ask what they suggest but I can't afford to bring her back in to them (especially as I've missed a stack of work this week... first because my parents visited and then yesterday for the vet visit), though I'm guessing they can do nutritional supplementation.

I actually sat down and totalled up what I've spent on my "free" turtle in the last two weeks; I'm grateful I saved part of my tax refund (ostensibly for another tattoo) because that all went and then some... and I'm glad I had it to spend. It's been fun having her around. Rather more fun than I was expecting. I didn't think I'd bond with her but lo and behold...

And I'm trying to stay positive, but I think the vet minimized how sick she is (I know from septicemia) or else he didn't realize that it may be more progressed than he thought (she still only has a pink tinge to her carapace; it's not the deep red one might expect with a more advanced stage of the disease). Momma wondered yesterday if the previous owner saw hints of this starting and that's why he released her... though why to someone's driveway instead of a body of water I'll never know. Given how friendly she is around people, she was clearly handled a lot... someone who looks at their turtle all the time would see changes in color that those of us who don't know the turtle couldn't possibly see.

Trying to stay positive. It's really hard right now to do so.

I've returned from the vet (a bit ago now).

To make a long story short, it's kind of a good thing that I've been so observant about what Hils does, how she eats, and so on... because she was actually probably right at the beginning of being quite ill.

She's got septicemia. Apparently, that's not uncommon in captive turtles; she could have gotten it from just about anywhere (I am still uncertain about the practice I'm taking her to; I have to figure that one out) according to the vet I saw.

So we've started her on a course of antibiotics (which involved teaching me how to shoot up my turtle; I've got five more doses to give her, one every three days). I'm hoping a good friend will come be my helper on this (or, more likely, I'll be taking the turtle to him). You really need someone to hold the turtle's leg for the injection.

What's amazing is that she's already showing improvement. She was hunting around for possible things to eat in her tank, she was swimming when we came home and she easily crawled on to her log to start basking (which she was really struggling with earlier, so much so that I nearly reached in and helped). She's also now basking "normally". Previously (and this actually was one of the earliest symptoms; I had no idea until I just thought about it now) she'd been basking intentionally off-balance so that her feet were in water but her backside and backlegs were getting toasty. And her tail is up again. Today it was so low it was almost curled under her.

Thus, I'm guessing the diagnosis was correct. The doctor seemed unwilling to fully commit to it (he also wasn't fully committing to the seriousness of it; what he doesn't know is that I just had a friend get hospitalized for over a week with it, complete with IV antibiotics and getting sent home for two MORE weeks on the IV stuff and THEN oral antibiotics after that), and noted that if she didn't improve, we'd likely have to do an x-ray and bloodwork. That gets astoundingly expensive and I'm very grateful it's unlikely I'll have to make a very challenging decision regarding my turtle ownership (I've already more than completely killed my budget for the next couple months, and I don't really have the income for a pet, I'm afraid... and pet insurance for turtles seems nearly unfindable in this country).

The one thing he suggested was getting more veggies into her diet. Given her appetite, I suspect her eating more dark, leafy greens will result in my doing the same! You can't exactly buy three leaves of one green and three of another (generally). So I'm going to go hunting for the pellets he recommended and try limiting her intake of minnows and crickets to those days when I can essentially go shopping in the morning right before feeding her.

So... good news for the present...

This morning I'm taking Hillary, my recently found red-eared slider (some would say we found each other) back to the vet she met last week. She's listless, not eating, and won't let go of the log on which she basks (if I can't get her off it, it's going with us).

I've done a lot recently to change her environment and, consequently, I'm a bit freaked. Gone is the turtle who did happy dances when I was around her tank, gone is the turtle who raced for food in the morning. Instead, I have a turtle who slid off her log last night and crashed into the side of the tank.

Clearly something is wrong.

Thoughts, prayers, love and support greatly appreciated. I'm trying to hold it together and not doing a very good job of it. She's only been mine for a couple weeks but I love her.

So Oh Great Collective Wisdom that is my friends' list and beyond:

Cornelius, my laptop, is unhappy. No clue why that is the case, and I'm figuring run diagnostics and see how to make him happy. However, my parents hold that he is rapidly becoming outdated (!; he's not yet a year old, I think... or maybe it's not quite two? Can't remember) and he weighs a lot. Monitor so large that I have yet to find an easily portable case he fits in, because he's an Acer and thus rather thicker than a MacBook Pro (he has a case he travels in but it's one of those old-fashioned over the shoulder bags and I'd rather he drop into my backpack). And, of course, he has Vista, that 21st Century version of Windows ME.

They propose I go back to a desktop (which, how handy, I already have... and it's an XP box! no memory hog here!) and they will support the purchase of a "netbook" so that I have ease of email communications, etc. while traveling, if out for a cup of coffee, whatever. Apparently, Acer even makes one with a full numeric keypad (which makes engraving music rather easier than on a standard laptop... when I think of how much I engraved without one, it makes me marvel at my patience!).

I know nothing of such beasts... thus I throw it out to all of you in friends land (and your friends; feel free to summarize for people though I'm friends-locking this post for privacy reasons) for recommendations, the do do do's and the don't don't don'ts (we'll leave the da da das to some rock band!), the "You must have" and the "Steer clear of" and so on and so forth...

The one thing I will say is that Cornelius is dreadfully underpowered... who knew that the enhanced home version of Vista would want more than 2 GB... but -- then again -- I just saw a standalone 2 TB box for around $250!! my concept of what is necessary to run a machine and for storage thereto (because yes, I know the 2 GB is ROM and the 2 TB would be RAM) is rather dated (the thought of anyone having 2 TB for home use just blows my poor brain to heck and gone!)... and his sound card needs serious help (in fact, I will need to buy a real sound card for the desktop I think, what with my cute mini speakers and sub-woofer!, instead of the integrated sound), so it's not outside the realm of possibility to just replace him (though I'd need to -- of course -- save all the files to a jump drive, etc. and, at some point, integrate the files from George and all, too (though I think I actually gave Cornelius all of George's files).

So.... now that I've babbled long enough and shown off just how totally non-geek I am, I throw it open to you, dear readers...

Many thanks!

ETA: I've unlocked this post in hopes of getting more comments/thoughts/replies.

PC only; I do NOT want to hear about advantages of the Mac. Sorry. I just can't make the bounce between the two kinds of machines.

Okay, so the fabulous Lioness, elisem, makes astounding jewelry. I don't wear earrings these days unless she made them, and she's got stacks of other gorgeous stuff.

So she's having a sale. A WinterFair sort of thing.

You can find it here.

I highly recommend her for holiday presenting and other presenting, whatever holiday or reason for presenting with which you may come up.

And she does gift certificates.

That is all.

:-)

I'm taking this journal friends only. There is just too much going on in my life that I don't want to share with the world.

I'm also going to be cleaning up my friends list. So many people never comment that I suspect you'd never notice if you are no longer able to read my posts because you're not reading them in the first place. This is, of course, fine with me. Read me, don't read me, don't care. This journal has always been for me. It's been a coincidental thing that I have an audience... but if I'm going to be more private about with whom I'm sharing parts of my life and who I am, it may as well be limited to people who actually read.

Write me if you think I've yanked you from the list in error.

Thanks for your understanding.